He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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