she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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