he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
