this beer tastes like vomit already
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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