When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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