SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
