Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
