you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
