It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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