Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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