she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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