I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
