so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
