there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
