his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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