I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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