the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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