please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
