How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
