She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She bit a glass in half.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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