Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
