she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
