what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
