the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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