party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
