So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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