There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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