I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
