Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
