My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
