This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
