time to smoke my breakfast
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
