im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
