just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
