my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
