What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
