Don't make out with my wife yet
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize