Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
