Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
