the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
3pm strippers are depressing
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
