i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
