What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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