Kiss
Puke
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
