Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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