I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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