i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
