Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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