Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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