apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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