pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
