Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
