I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
