I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
