alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize