Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
