I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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