fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
