he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
