I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
