Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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