Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
