You're completely useless in the revolution.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
