i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
