This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
