I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
