new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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