Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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