The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
