Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
