I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
