He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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