Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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