I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You smell like stripper and shame
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
