My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
