I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the day after is always just damage control
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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